Q & A with Rodney Timms

Rodney, how hard was it for you to come forward publicly about the child abuse you had suffered?
It was extremely hard. I did not talk about it openly until I was 35 years old. I have heard it said that the people who have suffered abuse as a child are good actors because they are always trying to hide the pain and shame they suffer. It is hard to talk about it because you feel ashamed even though it was not your fault. You have to get through it by realizing you must talk about it to help others, which in turn helps you because by talking about it the hurt starts to diminish somewhat.

From ages 4 to 15, you were beaten often and severely by your father. What made you finally break away?
I knew I had to leave home or one of us was going to wind up dead. It’s sad, but true, you can beat on someone long enough that they start trying to figure out how they are going to survive. I knew I did not want to kill him, but I was not sure I was going to have a choice. The hurt, pain, sorrow and shame, as well as the physical pain, had reached the point of being impossible to handle. I finally decided I had to leave to live.

Didn’t you try to get help earlier from friends, family, teachers, or clergy? Didn’t anyone get involved if they saw bruises or witnessed the beatings?
I was very withdrawn from people and tried to hide the abuse from everyone. I feel like when I was growing up people accepted this kind of treatment. I was constantly told by my father that if I told anyone he would kill me. That kept me pretty quiet. When I finally got the nerve to tell the preacher in our town I thought something would finally be done, but nothing ever was. My dad was a very intimidating person and I guess it is possible everyone in the small town where we lived was afraid of him.

You published a collection of emotionally revealing yet inspiring and encouraging poetry on the topic of child abuse, Calling All Hearts. How do you feel this will help make a difference?
For those people who have suffered from child abuse I believe they can relate to what I have written. It will give them hope and encouragement that they too can make it. Hopefully, it will encourage them to write their own story. For those people who have not been through abuse I believe it will raise awareness that child abuse is worse than terrorism. Hopefully, they will get involved and help raise awareness that this must be stopped at all costs.

You’re also involved in Childhelp USA, the nation’s premiere non-profit on the prevention and treatment of child abuse. How can people make a contribution and help victimized children?
The people of Childhelp USA are wonderful people. They are the most caring and loving organization that I have found. By people contributing to them, Childhelp USA can expand their programs to help even more children. It is sad but true, not everyone that has been through abuse gets the help they need. We as people that care and want to help must be aware that this is an ongoing problem. We must help constantly to do what we can so that more people will be aware of what is going on with our children. We should never stop giving.

The numbers are simply disturbing. Child abuse is reported every 10 seconds across the nation. The rate of infant homicide is at a 30-year high. Millions of children are beaten, sexually abused, verbally abused, or neglected. Why isn’t enough being done to protect our children?
I do not mean to sound like a broken record, but we must raise awareness. More people like myself must come forward with their stories so the American people can see this problem is worse than we ever thought. Today the laws are better at protecting kids than they have ever been, but it is still going on in record numbers. By raising awareness maybe the abusers can see they need help and start to seek it on their own. Maybe it is time to start educating parents on how to deal with anger without harming their children.

Your mother knew what was going on and did nothing about it. She even admonished you recently for failing to forget what happened. How does this make you feel?
My mother’s recent comments about me not being able to forget only confirms the feelings I have had all my life. She does not love me and never has. I always wondered why she never did anything to try to stop my father from doing what he did tome. It is hard for me to understand this way of thinking. My children and grandchildren are the most precious people I have the privilege of being around. I would go to any length to protect them and they know they are loved. I cannot tell you why my parents just did not care. I assure you this really hurts. Everyone wants to be loved.

When is the last time you spoke to your father? Has he apologized or sought help?
My father died in 1983. He had cancer and I remember that before he died I was never able to tell him how I really felt. Everyone told me I should tell him that I loved him, but I could not do it. It just was not in me. To be honest, I guess I never had a reason to love my father. As a child, I was never told that I was loved. I had to be educated by my wife to learn to tell her and our children that I loved them. It was not easy.

It sounds like you found strength in religion, as well as in establishing your own family. You got married at age 16 and have two kids and two grandkids. How did you avoid falling into depression or a cycle of violence?
I learned about God at an early age and truly believed in Him, but I wasn’t exempt from problems. I did fall into cycles of depression, but not violence. Sure I had my moments of feeling violent and was involved in some fights, but not with my family. I was determined to pull myself out of depression cycles by reading the Bible and positive thinking books and learning to be thankful for having a wonderful wife and children. I still struggle on occasion with depression, but it is short lived. I now know how to fight it and win. Is till struggle with getting people to realize that child abuse is still a problem and that their help is needed.

You did develop a drug habit. How long did it last and how did you finally kick it?
I only took drugs when I drove a truck for a living which was 25 years ago. It was hard to make a living and I took speed to stay awake. Back in those days, speed was basically prescription diet pills. The reason I quit driving and taking drugs was because of an incident that happened to me on I-45 south of Huntsville, Texas. Back in those days I was a smoker. I had been up for 3 1⁄2 days when I fell asleep at the wheel with a cigarette in my mouth. The cigarette fell down the inside of my shirt and started to burn me. As I awoke I was off in the ditch with a load of cotton bales. Loads of cotton bales turn over very easily because the loads are top-heavy, but I managed to keep it upright. When I got the truck and trailer back up on the road, I got out of the truck, shaking seriously. I walked around and sat on the ground and asked God to get me out of this mess. At that time I was able to quit driving a truck and taking drugs. Now my son and myself run a successful 85 truck operations out of Oklahoma City.

What are the signs of child abuse? What should we be watching for?
I would say that the most obvious sign would be the appearance of bruises. Sometimes, the abused is forced to wear clothing which may not be appropriate for the current weather, just to cover the bruises. Also, watch for a child that is extremely quiet and withdrawn from other children. Sometimes they frown a lot and seem to cry easily when they get their feelings hurt. Also, as children get older they try to hide the truth. They may often lie and tell ridiculous stories to get people to pay attention to them and in doing so it makes them feel better. One thing you must remember is that they become very good actors to hide the pain and the shame.

You say it is love, not time, that heals all wounds. How so?
I never really knew anything about genuine love growing up, but my wife and her family did. This was the single most important factor that changed my life. Her parents and grandparents loved me like I was one of their own. They made me, for the first time in my life, feel like I was somebody. This and really realizing that God loved me is what turned my life around. Time might make something not feel as painful as it once was, but love will uproot the problem and let you lead a different life altogether.

Were your siblings abused as well? How did they handle it?
My two sisters were abused also, but not to the magnitude that I was. I guess my father felt a little bit of guilt about beating on girls, but he felt no guilt when it came to beating me. My oldest sister has struggled with the abuse all of her life. That along with the fact that she has realized that our mother really does not lover her either has caused her to seek counseling, which she is successfully working through. My other sister seems to have blocked everything out of her mind. She says she cannot remember what happened to us as children.

Is the government doing enough to help children?
No. The government should concentrate more on teaching parents how to deal with anger. There should be laws to require parents to attend classes on how to raise children and handle anger. This should also be taught in our schools. Children need to know these things starting in their school years. By doing so we might be able to save lives and break the cycles of child abuse in families.

You now own a successful trucking company, but in the 1990’s you filed for bankruptcy. Where do you draw strength to overcome such obstacles?
My strength comes from Jesus Christ. I am a believer and if it wasn’t for that I would not be an overcomer. I am also a giver. I believe we are here on this earth to help each other. Our going through bankruptcy was almost as devastating as physical abuse. But I knew we would make it because of our faith in God, and I would not quit. I was determined to make it in a business that is overwhelmingly difficult. I just would not quit. Sure, I had some bad days, but I would not quit. God is my source and He got us through. Because of Him, my family and I are winners.